A branch

2011-02-15T16:37:00.000-06:00

Done. I did it. I got married. To the best man in the world :)
Therefore, my blog has moved - after all I am not Jess Lemken anymore!

jessvillmer.blogspot.com

We'll see if I get any better at posting...no promises.

2010-10-04T21:42:00.003-05:00

I'm getting married :)

psalm 73:28

2010-05-23T00:10:00.001-05:00

"But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."

Mmm, mmm. Feed my soul!

love?

2010-05-03T20:53:00.005-05:00

Patient
Kind
Does not envy
Does not boast
Is not proud
Is not rude
Is not self-seeking
Is not easily angered
Keeps no record of wrongs
Does not delight in evil
Rejoices with truth
Always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres
[1 Corinthians 13:4-7]

...if love is all of these things, then maybe I do not have or give as much love as I sometimes think.

And maybe love isn't as simple as I think either.

I know that love is what Christ showed us, ultimately, in giving His life for us - that love contains all of these qualities. And I know that as a believer I have Christ in me - so technically, I can love. But do I choose to? Do I allow the Spirit to work through me. Do I allow Him to be patient and kind? Or allow Him to spur me on in perseverance and provide hope and trust?

All these questions I ask myself and my answer is a resounding "no".

So, how can I change this? How can I really love?

Answer: Well, if the source of love is God (1 John 4:7) and God desires relationship with us and we deepen relationship by getting to know Him (i.e. reading the Word and doing it) - then I should do Psalm 119:9-11.

Psalm 119:9-119
9 How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.

10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.

11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.

I need to LIVE according to His word - I need to SEEK Him with all of my heart, I need to hide His word in my HEART so that I might not sin against Him. I need to ALLOW His joy to be my STRENGTH. His love will uncontrollably flow from me in all perfection if I do these things - no doubt. But, until I make these things priority, love from me will be sparse, wrong, incomplete.

the first of may

2010-05-02T00:30:00.002-05:00

I really need to update, but don't really have time (or energy) right now.

so instead i say:

happy may day!

2010-04-14T21:55:00.001-05:00

today I made a new friend...

...isn't it beautiful!

fatigued

2010-03-26T22:43:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I get annoyed with God and how awesome He is at growing me. I just get tired...exhausted would be more appropriate.
But I am still thankful.
And I know it is "good" for me. Not "good" in a sarcastic sense like, 'it will eventually make me happy,' but "good" in a literal sense like, 'it might be hard but I am ultimately happy RIGHT NOW.'
I love how incredibly important relationships are in life. Without them I sort of fall apart.
It is also amazing to me how incredibly hard relationships can be. But the hard is worth the work. It makes sense that you need to work at things that are so important.

A friend of mine was talking about his "burden" to create music - and his need to experience highs and lows in life in order to write a song that will bring truth and peace to a person - to set them free. In reading about this I thought, what is my burden? How would I define my God-given "burden" in life? So, I am thinking on it - and will get back to you shortly after I attempt to define it :)

EDIT: My Burden:

People are my burden. I desire to know each person deeply. As impossible as that is, I strive for it and even excel at it (at times). It creates meaningful relationships. It creates times of being stretched too thin. Relationships take time and effort, and as much as I love giving both of those things – I only have so much. So for me, the down side is that I get close to too many and don’t have enough time/energy to effectively manage all of these relationships. The upside, my relationships are not dull or surface level. I get to experience the trueness of who people are. I get to know hearts and lives that God has created so SO beautifully. People are my burden. And for that burden I am so grateful!

Psalm 25

2010-03-08T21:18:00.002-06:00

I want to share one of my favorite Psalms with you. Take the time to read it - it will refresh you.

Psalm 25

1To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; 2in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. 3No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. 4Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; 5guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. 6Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. 7Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD. 8Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. 9He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. 10All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant. 11For the sake of your name, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. 12Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. 13He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land. 14The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. 15My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. 16Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 17The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. 18Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. 19See how my enemies have increased and how fiercely they hate me! 20Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. 21May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you. 22Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

this is the day...

2010-03-07T21:15:00.006-06:00

mmm. today really fed my soul.

schedule of events:

11am Church
1:30pm Bike ride to Starbucks (to time myself for future days in which I wish to ride to work)
3pm Ultimate Frisbee
5pm Starbucks and Walmart with friends
6:30pm Wii playing and hanging out with Juliet
9pm Laundry and facebook

sounds amazing, huh? well that is because it really was!

I want to tell you about a decision I made today:

Backstory: After traveling across the world on a team and being taught about the importance of and observing a Sabbath (day of rest), I have come to cherish this day. I believe that God instituted it for GOOD reason. Therefore, I submit to it, and it refreshes me.

Real story: I have had a hard time with Sundays these past few weeks. I was wanting only to sleep and not to go to Church. This is a weird feeling, since I love church, love being with people, love learning God's word, etc. etc. etc. Then, I figured out what it was.
After going to BearTrap over Christmas break I realized how incredibly much I missed hanging out with and investing in international students. My response to that was a quick volunteering to invest in the International Sunday School time that we have at my church. I was SO excited to join and get to know people!
Unfortunately, as I began struggling to go to Church I realized - joining the Sunday School class was still "work" for me. It sounds weird and horrible at the same time, considering that I love it. BUT, I felt obligated (personally) to invest in students throughout the week, not just on Sundays, and I really don't have time for that. I also just needed more sleep on Sunday mornings. SO, I decided. I will not lead a small group in the International Sunday School time - instead, I will go to the late Church service. (I do not, however, plan to neglect International Students completely of course. :)

Result: I did that today and it was perfect. I loved seeing my friends in service and engaging with the whole time. Afterward, I went by International Sunday School and talked with my former co-leader about my decision. It was the first time that I had cried about it - but it was good.

(i actually made these pictures :))

You may ask yourself, or me, "Jessica, what do you think the perfect bike riding music would be on a day like today?"

Answer: Hanson on the way to your destination and the Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack on the way home, of course.

'you have redeemed my soul...'

2010-02-22T09:18:00.005-06:00

i love words and definitions - they speak to my heart.

re·deem\ri-deem\
1: to recover by discharging an obligation 2: to ransom, free, or rescue by paying a price 3: to free from the consequences of sin 4: to remove the obligation of payment 5: to make good by performing 6: to atone for.

ran·som\ran-suh m\
1: something paid or demanded for the freedom of a captive 2: to free from captivity or punishment by paying a price

a·tone\ah-tohn\
1: to make amends for 2: the reconciliation of God and mankind through the death of Jesus Christ 3: reparation for an offense: SATISFACTION

(From Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Romans 8:28-30
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose for those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified."

{Thought to self: I love God. I have been called according to HIS purpose. He foreknew me and has predestined me to conform to the likeness of Jesus. He has called me. I have been justified. And I have been glorified!}

glo·ri·fy\glawr-uh-fahy\
1: to make glorious by bestowing honor, praise, or admiration 2: to elevate to celestial glory 3: to light up brightly 4: EXTOL 5: to give glory (as in worship)

really? me!?

"off"

2010-02-15T14:22:00.003-06:00

This past week I have felt kind of "off".

Yesterday I was praying and asking God, "what is up God? I mean I know I have been neglecting time with you, but what else is it? What else am I doing differently that makes me feel so 'off'? It has to be 'more' than just not spending time with you?"

During that prayer I realized that the "more" that I thought I was doing differently doesn't really matter in comparison with the one thing I knew I was doing wrong. I know that there is nothing better or more needed than spending time with Him, no matter the extent of things that I do differently in my life, the one thing that will always keep me feeling "on" will be Him. There is no "more" than Him. He is it. He is the constant - without Him constantly in my heart and mind my whole being is "off", my life seems wrong without Him

Today I am feeling great. And only due to Him.
I am really thankful for the way He has created time and seasons. The fact that I can feel like I am starting afresh just because it is Monday is superb! It is refreshing and exhilarating. And once spring comes we will all feel this sense of a new beginning...it's just so cool - He is so brilliant!

.

romans.

2010-02-10T00:10:00.005-06:00

I am reading in romans.
Today I read about how faithful and righteous our God is. His righteousness and faithfulness depends nothing on ours (or our lack of). How great - what a relief!

I have recently been feeling VERY convicted about my relationship with my Father (God). I desire, and even talk about my desire, to spend more time with Him, yet always find things to fill my time instead. In thinking about our relationship I was also thinking about how a relationship with an earthly father, or any person, should look.
When a friend or family member is near me and wanting to hang out with me, I am overjoyed to put everything aside in order to give them my full attention and time. A little less excited when it is family - because I know they will always be there, but still, I am more likely to go and be with them than to ignore them completely. And as far as God goes - He is always here. Always ready to hang out. Always ready to fill me and energize me with his presence and love. And I ignore Him.

How would a friend feel or react if I did this to her?
:hurt, abandoned, unloved, she would be less inclined to put as much energy into our relationship if my response was such, but she would still try, until of course I stop responding and she abandons the relationship - rightfully!
How does God feel when I do this to Him?
:probably some of the same emotions, hurt, abandoned, ignored, unloved, etc. - the difference here is that He will keep putting the same amount of energy into our relationship - He will never go far away - He will never abandon me. I deserve so much less than He gives, but He continues to give.

So, why don't my actions change? Why can't I just love Him well?????

it is crazy how much we need Him.
I need Him even to help me love Him.
and I do love Him.

an update: timeline style!

2010-02-02T22:49:00.003-06:00

I have been absolutely terrible at keeping in contact with my ministry supporters... for this I offer my most sincere apologies (as sincere as an online apology can be at least).

Here is the most recent "update" of mine:

click HERE to view my update

enjoy :D
and thanks for your love and patience with me as I am continuing this transition into ministry!!!

Larry, Meg, Me, Lost.

2010-01-23T17:50:00.008-06:00

I met a guy named Larry yesterday.
He was standing at the corner of Industrial and Taco-Bell.
I gave him some oatmeal.
I prayed for him.

Will you pray for him too?

I talked with a girl named Meg.
She is a freshman and a new believer.
She is really awesome.
I am praying for her.

Will you pray for her too?

I dream a lot.
My future has so many options.
My life right now is so great.
I'm praying for further direction.

Will you pray for me too?

I work with lost people.
I want to share truth with them.
They are fun and I love them.
I pray for them to ask more questions.

Will you pray for them too?

Mark 11:24
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

i just want to post

2010-01-20T19:21:00.002-06:00

I like it when people update their blogs consistently and am currently desiring to do so myself.
the problem is - I have nothing really to say...OR what I do have to say only makes sense to my brain or does not need to be shared with the world wide web.

do do do. (that is a song)

...maybe later.

Praise God for.....mornings?

2010-01-18T21:58:00.003-06:00

I said it.
believe it.
or don't.
your choice.

the Lord is so good to me.
if you know me at all - you know that I naturally HATE mornings.
working at starbucks means that I work mornings, sometimes VERY early mornings.

the shocking part of this post is that I AM ENJOYING IT.
I am waking up - I am not feeling sick - I am excited to go to work - I am chipper.
only the Lord can do that. really.
oh, also - I am making time to read the Bible in the morning (even if I wake up at 4:15am) and that has really blessed my days as well!!

so, thank Jesus.

one long saturday

2010-01-17T13:00:00.005-06:00

so, yesterday was saturday.
I worked at 5am at "the bucks", which means I woke up around 4:15am.
The night before I did not go to bed until around 1:30am.
That equals about three hours of sleep.
Bad Idea.

"The bucks" ended at 10am. I drove to Olathe to celebrate Kaitlin's (my sister) 16th birthday.
The plan was to have lunch then take her shopping.
We had lunch with the family - but I felt like a ZOMBIE the whole time.

After lunch I was exhausted and therefore EMOTIONAL.
I became easily annoyed and frustrated by everything.
As soon as we returned to my Grandma's house I couldn't help but cry...?
So I took a nap after crying for about an hour.

After my nap I had some dinner then Kaitlin and I went shopping.
We had a really good time.
We talked about boys and life.
I love her a lot.

I was planning on returning to Emporia last night, but it was super foggy and there had been a pretty tragic accident on the same highway earlier that day - so I decided to wait (based on the wisdom offered from my family members).
This morning I wanted to leave early to come back for church and sunday school today, but did not - also due to the fog :(

Here I am. Home now. It was still really foggy the first half of the drive, but good the second half.

I don't know if anyone cares about my day(s) in detail, but I wanted to blog, so there.

starbucks.

2010-01-14T16:57:00.003-06:00

I love coffee.
I love being a barista.
I love people.
I love music.
I love all those things combined into one place called, "Starbucks".

Working there is one of the most interesting aspects of my life. I LOVE it and am confident in my abilities, while at the same time it makes me SO NERVOUS.

Nervous that I will say or do the wrong thing in a moment of frustration.
Nervous that I will spill a drink and my co-workers will judge me.
Nervous that I am not being Jesus in such a lost place.
Nervous that I am too nervous about sharing.
Nervous that I don't know how to respond to some comments said by my co-workers without passing judgment.
Summary: Nervous of failure.

All of these things are really good for me to be aware of and pray about. And that is why I love it.

I love taking orders and talking with customers.
I love making drinks.
I love down-times when I can chat with my co-workers.
I love making silly mistakes and laughing at myself.
I love being able to serve in little ways.
I love that I don't care about the logistical business stuff and can just relax.
I love being Jesus in such a lost place.
I love sharing - when opportunity arises.
I love building community connections!
I love responding without passing judgment when a co-worker says something questionable.
Summary: I love succeeding in obedience to God.

Some days it is really hard to work when I feel like people will talk about me when I am not there (in a bad way) but on days like today, the Lord blesses me so abundantly that that thought doesn't even matter - and I am able to enjoy every minute of working with them! Today was fun and I am glad I work at Starbucks :)

{notice how the "loves" out way the "nervous-es"? that is good.}

repentance

2010-01-11T01:11:00.004-06:00

tonight I was reading the word and really praying about what repentance means or doesn't mean in my life.

i made this:

{if you click on the picture you can see it in a new window...a better view}

some passages that really touch my heart are Romans 2:4 and Job 11:13-30

Silence.

2010-01-10T00:04:00.003-06:00

John 10:27
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."

In a few weeks we, as a Challenge Staff, are going to challenge our students to be silent.
The extent of this depends on the person.

For most it will look like this:
no texting.
no facebook.
no MUSIC.
no TV/Movies.
no instant messaging.
no youtube.
no blogging.
+/- etc.

Since we are challenging our students, we decided to first take on this challenge. It begins now, January 10th and will end on the 17th.
One week.
Quieting of our world.

What is the purpose?
learning to listen to God
replacing all the noise of our everyday lives with active listening.
pursuing His voice over the many other voices that fill our each day.

"personally..."
Personally, I am both excited and terrified for this week. Excited because it has come at a perfect time. There are many things I need to be talking with God about and many things I need to be listening to. I can't wait to see what is revealed to me this week. Also, I get annoyed with technology, so a break from it is always good.
Terrified because I am addicted to music. I will have to do a good job of actively NOT turning on the TV or radio for background noise. It will be really hard for me to NOT check facebook all the time. All these things combined will be really hard to avoid - but the cost is WORTH the reward. Actively pursuing Jesus this week will be so rewarding and so sweet.

As we were meeting today about our "limitations" for the week we began to laugh at each other - we all came up with excuses of why this week will be hard, and we know that students will do the same; despite the excuses, or valid reasons, we are doing it and will be able to stand before our students with great testimony of how loud our God can be if we just take the time to LISTEN.

Peace out blogspot :)

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

pictures!

2010-01-04T21:51:00.011-06:00

one day I made a snowman with a group of kids and two other staffers!

this is Garen (the pastor in charge of this awesome week) and two of my BEST friends Nila and Lundy :)

this is my beautiful "family" - Nila (from ESU, Staff), Aejin (from ESU and South Korea), Nahi (from Omaha and Saudi Arabia), Seayoung (from ESU and South Korea), Hunyoung (from KC and South Korea), Me, Huan (from Tulsa and China) and Honggang (from Tulsa and China).

we went on many hikes - this is the group from our first one.

Bear Trap is SO beautiful!!!

jumping pictures are THE best, aren't they?

last one - me on top of the world (or some mountains)

2009-12-29T22:02:00.002-06:00

blog, blog, blog...

I cannot believe it has been so long since I have updated!?!

So busy.

So, I went to Bear Trap Ranch with a large group of international students from ESU and we met up with others from Tulsa, Omaha, Utah, Wyoming, KC, etc.
It was a week of deep meaning, Christmas spirit, and new beautiful friendships.
I plan to post pictures later - but there are some on facebook now :)

I celebrated Christmas with my family yesterday and it was so great! The past few years have been really rough with my family, but this year was really blessed. We had dinner and opened presents and watched a movies and played games. It was all so good!

For now, that is all. Later!

One confession:
I have not finished OR mailed out my Christmas cards yet!?! Crazy I know.

so many decisions!

2009-12-09T01:41:00.006-06:00

life is full of decisions.
most of them are quite simple and not thought out in an extreme matter.
others are so complicated!

I am currently juggling with the never-ending option of going on a summer team to East Asia.

There are a thousand reasons for me to go, but there are almost an equal amount of reasons for me not to go.
My desire right now is to go, but my feeling is currently that God would like me to stay...which makes me want to cry.
Don't know how accurate either of those things are, but they sure do make me anxious.

Interesting that I have chosen to share these things with the internet, eh? Well, maybe you can assist me in this process. Please pray for me! Also, if you have any opinions or insight, I am open to all of those things :)

I think I will make a pro/con list...and pray over it!

thanks for listening and praying.

Peace

2009-11-18T23:56:00.008-06:00

emotions are high, energy is low and my soul is always well.

It is a really beautiful thing to go through so many emotions in one day - feeling completely worn out and exhausted to emotionally distraught and always, always feeling at peace.

Of course this peace comes from none other than my, our beautiful Savior Jesus.

Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

Jesus says in John 14:26-27, "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Not only do I believe these truths because they are in God's Word - which I hold as eternal truth, but also because I have experienced it in my life!

(this thought was presented to me a few weeks ago by a pastor)
QUESTION:"What is so good, to me, about the Good News of Jesus?"
(and now my response)
ANSWER: Peace. Never before have I felt so great when I feel so bad. Never before have I felt so hopeful when circumstances leave me helpless. Never before have I felt so peaceful when the world is so distraught!

So, friends and family I proclaim this truth to you: Jesus is peace. Once He has captured your life and you enter into a lifelong committed relationship with Him, you will experience everlasting peace.

Hold Me Now

2009-11-05T22:57:00.012-06:00

From glass alabaster she poured out the depths of her soul. Oh, foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotry's known? Falls a tear to darken the dirt of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt. She is strong enough to stand in your love, I can hear her say: I am weak, I am poor, I'm broken Lord, but I'm Yours. Hold me now, hold me now. Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will. To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled. Point your finger and laugh if you choose, to say my beloved is borrowed and used; she is strong enough to stand in my love, I can hear her say: I am weak, I am poor I'm broken Lord, but I'm Yours. Hold me now, hold me now.
~Jennifer Knapp~

Such a beautiful picture of who we are in Christ - as women.

Luke 7:36-50
36Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. 37When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
39When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."
40Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Tell me, teacher," he said.
41"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[d] and the other fifty. 42Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"
43Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.
44Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
48Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."
49The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"
50Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

In these verses in Luke Jesus talks about how those who have been forgiven much, love much. This woman boldly believes in Jesus' forgiveness in spite of the Pharisees in their company - in spite of their judgment of her and in spite of their lack of faith. Jesus rewards her - he affirms her. She is strong enough to stand in His love. Because she is weak and poor and humble enough to admit it - He freely gives love and forgiveness.

John 8:1-11
1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

In this story in John, this woman is caught in an unlawful act and brought in front of the Savior in the most embarrassing way. He is so gracious. She is wrong, but He does not condemn or call her guilty, instead he forgives and tells her to turn from that sin. His blood is spilled a few chapters later in order to take on the pain and agony that this woman would have endured. She becomes beautiful, clean and forgiven. Jesus knows her heart and can "hear her say, she is weak, she is poor, she is broken Lord, but she's Yours". And so she becomes strong, in Him.

Why all these stories and explanations?

Well, because those women symbolize us - they symbolize me. As a woman, a human woman, I fail. There are so many things that make me broken, weak, poor. But those things do not define me. No, I am defined by my gracious Savior. When I "come clean" and admit my mistakes, He does NOT tell me that I am bad, or wrong, or terrible - but He does love me. And in that love He commands me to turn from the things that I let take control of me at times. The sins in my life that distance me from His love and grace.

This past week I have been thinking a lot about how broken and weak I am. I have asked myself, how in the world am I in ministry? And then I remember - I am not in ministry because I am better than anyone, or because I have somehow figured something out or become some super-spiritual mentor of sorts. I am in ministry because HE has called me. He has asked me to join Him in this life of leading others in His way. There are tons of things that I do not have "figured out" and maybe never will, but He is so willing to forgive those things and work through my faults to bring glory to Himself!
How cool. How undeserving. How beautiful!
PS - the word "beautiful" is synonymous with the word "appropriate" in Ecclesiastes 3:11 - ponder that :)

Summary:
I have been humbled, yet again, by our Great God.
I am beautiful in Him, even when I mess up.
In humbleness I am given grace. (James 4:6)
In His presence I am strong!
I am loved.

World Prayer Night /Hope in Christ: Seminar on Sexual Abuse

2009-11-01T11:29:00.010-06:00

This past week has been CRAZY busy.

Tuesday was my birthday. I am now officially in my "mid-twenties". Weird.
My friends worked hard to throw a surprise party for me, and despite the lack of surprise (due to my skeptical nature), I felt very blessed and loved! So, thanks.
My friends made a cake that "looks" like my car - I was not ready for the picture...

On Thursday night we held our annual World Prayer Night. World Prayer Night is a night where we have all of Challenge come to pray for different things that are happening throughout the world, in association with Missions. We have it set up in "stations". In the past we have had stations such as: a time to prepare yourself, an individual person (overseas), a people group, a nation, a religion, missionaries and an end "thinking" station. This year we experimented with some new ideas :) Our stations this year were: worship (with sand art - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_T2z4ktzfQ), Blessing (think about what you have been given), Missionaries going to Japan, Poverty, Bible Translation, Campus that we partnership with in Asia and Alter (think about what you can give). It was lots of fun and an overall success, despite the stressful week before it! It is always fun to devote so much time in prayer for others!

This weekend the staff women (Lisa, Brandi, Michelle and Me) went to Wichita for a conference on how to help our students who have been impacted by sexual abuse. We were able to get together with lots of other women from campus ministries in the region who we love dearly - and it was hosted by the FOCUS staff women who also mean SO much to us!
It was really great to get with those women and share in life with people who know exactly what you do for a living and how it feels to be in ministry. Although, it was a very heavy topic.
Our speaker Precious Atchison did an amazing job of sharing Biblical truths and helping us to form a theology around a life of hurt. Although I learned a lot, I feel there is so much more to learn in this area!

After our first night at the conference I felt as if I needed about a year to process through all of this stuff. In relation to my own life, there were many things that came up in my mind and heart that need to be processed through and many conversations with God that need to happen.
Coming into the weekend, I knew it would be hard and draining, but alongside a very busy week - I am ready for rest.

Last night I went on a lengthy bike ride and felt really great afterward. I think I will enjoy another one today and some time chatting with my Dad about all this intense stuff.

Please pray that I would be faithful in addressing issues and seeking guidance in this process.

A Branch: October 2009

2009-10-19T23:37:00.008-05:00

D-7: DISCIPLESHIP, 7 PEOPLE

My small group has started and it has been such a joy! The girls who have committed to coming are so quality. I entered into their lives last year in August when our freshmen small group, FasTrack, began. I was in charge of detail stuff that goes along with it and in investing in the lives of the women who came. It was a challenge at first, as most freshmen come in with little maturity, but as the year continued they kept coming to stuff and caring about owning their relationship with the Lord; I was much encouraged and impressed!
As I began thinking about my roles this year on staff, I wanted to continue investing in these girls that I grew to love so much, so I proposed setting up a sort of “exclusive” small group with them. New members are welcome to come, but I wanted to expand on the close relationships that were made last year and create an environment for deep sharing and growth. I also desire to train them in leadership – as sophomores they are expected to be transitioning into leadership soon so they can continue the investment cycle. This is a big prayer of mine – that they would mature in God and be able to lead younger students.
As a group we are studying Philippians
right now and loving it! This week we
memorized Philippians
2:14-15: “Do
everything without complaining and arguing, so that you may become
blameless and pure, children of God without fault in this crooked and
depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.” The girls
have been very open about their current struggles and good at encouraging
each other to push onward for Christ. When we come together last week for
our fourth meeting we did a service project – Operation Christmas Child. This
is where you fill a shoebox full of toys for a child and the folks at
Samaritan’s Purse (a service organization) send it to a child who
would otherwise not experience a Christmas gift.

Ask God these things, please:

D-7 group: Please continue to pray for these girls as the year goes on and they get more busy with homework and other commitments – that above all their commitment would remain in Christ.

Support: As you know, I am raising my support to work with Christian Challenge. It has been a huge blessing to see God call His people to serve in this way. I am at about 50% of my monthly goal. Please ask the Lord to be speaking to those He wants to invest in this ministry and that He would show me how to raise more funds.

Life: In addition to Christian Challenge I am also babysitting about 20-hours per week. I really enjoy it, but it is time consuming. Please pray that I would be able to effectively manage my time and efforts.

PRAISE: I am very thankful for all the wonderful friends God has placed in my life. They are a constant encouragement to me. Praise Him for that!

FALL CONFERENCE
In addition to their commitment to our group and to God, almost all of my group went with Christian Challenge to our annual Fall Conference. University ministries form Kansas and Nebraska join together each year for a time of worship, learning and fun. This year a man named Max Barnett spoke about living A Life that Counts. To do this he suggested some very practical things: spending more time with God, reading the Bible and memorizing Scripture. All of these things have been vital in my walk with God and I am very excited that so many of our students got to hear about these important disciplines as well! As a whole group we took 66 students to Fall Conference, the biggest group we have ever taken; and praise God for how deeply He worked in those students. When we returned there were dozens of facebook statuses changed to raves about the weekend and how they were affected :)

please email me if you would like to receive this newsletter via email {jesslemken@gmail.com}

October...already?

2009-10-07T00:57:00.004-05:00

So, it is October!?

I feel like September flew by oh so quickly.
Since I posted my September newsletter, some things have happened.

Christian Challenge took a group of about 66 students to our annual Fall Conference. It was a great time. Our speaker this year was Max Barnett and he shared lots of wisdom with us in regards to living A Life that Counts! He talked about some essentials that we need to get serious about. First off, we need to spend more time with God - since we are a "hang out" generation, we need to hang out with God rather than people all the time. We also need to read His Word! Get it memorized and in our hearts. Third, as we are growing into mature believers, we need to be influencing younger believers to be more Christ-like - MAKING DISCIPLES. He provided some really practical ways to do these things and lots of students were deeply affected. God was WAY at work throughout the entire weekend. We were also able to enjoy some great worship music from a band called Anthem. And of course, it would not be Fall Conference without some Ultimate playing :)

A group of us playing "catch" before our big Tournament!

OH! How could I forget. BLESSING of the month story:
So, there are these really great shoes called "TOMS". It is a campaign that donates one pair of shoes to a child in need of shoes for every pair that is purchased. They are pretty pricey, but very fashionable, and as mentioned before, a GREAT cause. I have been wanting a pair of these for quite sometime. Years to be exact. Lately, a LOT of my friends have been getting them and I have been trying to "rejoice with those who are rejoicing," but really have been quite envious. Well, my good friends knew how much I wanted these shoes (and that I was saving up for them) and decided to pool their moneys and buy me a pair. This started with two people. Then became about 15! I felt SO SUPER blessed. About 15 of my close friends all gave some dollars to buy me (and a shoeless child) a pair of shoes. How stinking sweet is that!? Seriously, I can't really tell you how loved I felt. So here they are, the shoes I chose:

One of the best things is - they gave them to me at fall conference when most of the people who pitched in were gathered around - and I was COMPLETELY surprised...I LOVE SURPRISES :D

In addition to Fall Conference, my current life consists of about 20 hours a week of Babysitting on top of Christian Challenge stuff. It is lots of fun, but I am trying to figure out a schedule that works for me. I have been quite tired lately, but I know that some of that is just laziness that needs to be ironed out of my day-to-day. Please pray that I would be super efficient in managing my time and energy to glorify the Lord.

I am learning the guitar these days. I actually have not practiced in about a week...so I need to get on that. It is relaxing and fun...and I'm sure it will be much more fun once I can play a whole song :)

Tomorrow I am going with Michelle Hood to Chicago to visit Daniel and Rachel! How exciting huh! We got our bus tickets for just $1 each way!!! So awesome.

One last thing...
I am reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, with Lisa (the wife of the Director of Christian Challenge) and two girls on staff (Michelle and Brandi). It has been talking a lot about how great God is and how it is SO important to get to know His character. How a lot of times Christians study what God has done rather than WHO He is. It is vital in a relationship to know another person for who they are, and what better way to grow my relationship with God than to get to know Him more personally. This book paired with the messages that Max Barnett shared has been really affecting me lately. I want to spend more time with God in order to learn more about His character - and a great way to do that is to read His Word and listen to Him. A verse that I really like that describes some cool things about Him is Numbers 14:17-19, "Now may the Lord's strength be displayed, just as you have declared: 'The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of their fathers."

A Branch: September 2009

2009-09-18T01:17:00.009-05:00

A Branch: The monthly newsletter of Jessica Lemken, serving with Christian Challenge in Emporia, Kansas

"I am the vine;
you are the branches.
If a man remains in me
and I in him,
he will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can
do nothing."
John 15:5

THE VINE AND THE BRANCHES
In John 15, Jesus speaks to his followers using this “vine and branches” analogy. In verses 3-5 he tells us we are clean because of the words He has spoken to us, we should remain in Him and He will remain in us, we cannot bear fruit alone – we must remain in the vine, Jesus. As a follower of Jesus, my prayer and goal is to continually follow this command. I want to remain in Him and produce much fruit for Him! We are each a branch, remaining in Him and bearing fruit.
I think this analogy fits ministry as well. There is no way to bear fruit without Jesus;second to Jesus are supporters like you who encourage and care about His work.
Ministry, like our Christian faith, is not a “lone-ranger” gig. We must stay connected to each other and involved in each other’s lives. Then much fruit will be seen and celebrated, together!
This newsletter is created to do just that! I want to update you about the things happening in our ministry and the ways God is at work on the Emporia State campus. I also want to help guide you in praying for this ministry and for me. Thank you for your support and love – enjoy. :)

Christian Challenge Staff: Me, Brandi, Evan, Michelle, Jason and Lisa

Ask God these things, please:
--> I am planning to study A Purpose Driven Life with my friend from the summer, through email. Please lift this to God and ask Him to bless this time.

--> As this semester has started, I am working on a “schedule”. Please pray I would glorify Him with every minute.

--> Our small groups start this week and I am leading some sophomore girls who I invested in last year. Ask that this year would be one of maturing and growth for them.

For Christian Challenge information: www.esuchallenge.org
To hear how you can pray for Christian Challenge: esuprayer.wordpress.com

To receive a newsletter by mail or email contact: jesslemken@gmail.com

My "First" Vacation...

2009-09-07T23:40:00.002-05:00

So, I don't think I have ever been on a legitimate vacation - ever. Therefore, this weekend I ventured to Colorado Springs, CO with a group of lovely friends.

IT WAS fun.
I have many pictures I would like to share, and stories too.

I just want you to know that I went mountain biking down a mountain, and fell in love. (Also fell once and cut my hand...) It was a bit pricey, but worth every dollar.
While sitting 8,000 feet up, on a rock just off the bike course, I was thinking about how huge God is - something that has been coming up often lately. It's so cool to see all His beauty (in its many forms) and to think that some people think it just happens to be that way...He deserves ALL the credit. I just love that He chose to make things so unique and detailed and BEAUTIFUL. I feel really inadequate in just describing it, let alone being a part of it. Mmmmm. Thanks God.

I'm going to bed now, but will definitely post some pictures later. For now, Facebook has a few available!

bike

2009-08-24T00:13:00.004-05:00

I LOVE riding my bike.

It is so peaceful :)

Especially in downtown Emporia!

the first Christian Challenge of the semester!

2009-08-20T23:46:00.003-05:00

So, tonight was the first Challenge of the semester. There were around 140 students there! So cool.
Last year our first meeting had 120 students and then averaged out at about 80 students for each meeting throughout the semester.
It is always cool to see and MEET new people at the first Challenge.
There were many freshmen and some transfers.

I talked tonight with some of the girls who I will have in my small group - I am SO excited for that :D

Jason talked tonight about grace. He did a great job of showing how much he wanted students to understand the importance of this! He read in Ephesians 2:1-9 and explained how we at one point lived in a "me kingdom" - where life revolves completely around self and we gratify the cravings of our sinful nature; then how there is this "God kingdom" which is the Kingdom we need to be in, where Jesus was raised and we too are raised to be seated with Him; Grace is the "free ride between the kingdoms". I feel this is a perfect "first Thursday" talk; a great way of sharing the heart of the Gospel in a way that people understand.

Tomorrow I will help do some input of info-cards...actually I am excited for it because I love inputting data. Nerdy I know.

Oh, check out our awesome website!
www.esuchallenge.org

and the prayer blog: www.esuprayer.wordpress.com/

I called, He answered...

2009-08-18T23:23:00.009-05:00

Family seems to be one of the most interesting facets of life - for me at least (and a lot of people I know). My definition of interesting in this sentence is: something that is essential, yet challenging; one of the most frustrating elements of my life, yet one of the most blessed things in my life; an enigma which will never be solved. And I am okay with that.

These past few days have been "challenging". I have experienced MANY emotions and done lots of processing.

I am once again AMAZED at how faithful the Lord is. Not surprised at all, but thankful.

And as for friends...well, they are indescribable. Those who are older than me and serve as mentors (mentor: a person who pours an abundance of wisdom, truth and love into my life) are so so gracious in listening to my over-emotionalized problems, and responding with the wisdom, truth and love mentioned before.

For those who are my peers, who know my heart, and who share in my joy/pain - I am also thankful. Their prayers of each are consistent, abundant and powerful!

I am trying to figure out what my "role" in my family is, as I continue to serve in Emporia and in the ministry that God has called me to. I know that geographically I am not supposed to be nearer to my family, but I could spend a lot more time getting to know them better and sharing life with them...

Refreshed

2009-08-12T22:45:00.004-05:00

Today I was able to spend some really good time with my Father, processing through some of the things He taught me this summer and some of the things I need to continue working on and praying through. I rode my bike for awhile, listened to some beautiful music, read my journal, read some scripture, wrote an evaluation from the summer and journaled. I feel very refreshed and excited to process more. I didn't think I would be using the word excited to describe this processing, but that is how I currently feel :)

Tonight was our second meeting as a staff for Christian Challenge. We talked through some events we will be having soon and we prayed. It is so good to come together and lift our needs to Him. Not only to lift those needs, but to trust He will fill them. I am SO excited for this year to begin. I'm anxious to meet new people (go figure) and to learn and grow with them in the Lord.

Our first "event" will be a Leader get-together where we will get to know one another and share some wisdom, advice and knowledge with some students who will be leading small groups and playing on our worship team.
The next day is dorm move in! That is a fun time of helping people get settled into their rooms, seeing "deer-in-headlight" faces, and being a comforting smile to students who are maybe leaving their homes for their first long-time-away-from-home-trip.
Tuesday we will have a table set-up on campus for students to come by and learn more about our ministry.
And Wednesday is the first day of classes!
Our first Thursday night meeting will be the 20th, which will be immediately followed by an Ice Cream Party (to start off the year right ;).

As far as support raising goes, I have been really blessed to see such a great response from those I know and love. I am not at my goal (not really close at all), but I am very confident that Father will provide. As I spoke about last time, this Call of His is true and I have no doubts at all about it - therefore, I know He will be faithful in providing - in all ways. I am at about 20-30% of my monthly goal. Please lift this to God. Ask that He would burden the hearts of those He wants to give to this ministry and that He would remind those who desire to give. Also ask that He would make "my part" clear to me - that I would know how to encourage people in giving and how I must assist in reaching this financial goal.

Some of the scripture I read today was Philippians 1:1-11. It says:
" 1Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus,
To all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons:
2Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
3I thank my God every time I remember you. 4In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
7It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. 8God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God."

These words accentuate my heart and my feelings toward my summer team. Together we partnered in the sharing of the Gospel. From the day we were each accepted to go on the team together, God began a work in us and continued to work throughout the summer and is working even now, and I am confident that He will continue this work until the day of completion, the day of Jesus. I have them in my heart and I miss them, and this is “right for me to feel this way”. I miss them with the affection of Christ. I enjoyed each day with them, and each minute I spent investing in our team and each of them individually, and on this day – I miss them. They are not that far, but we do not meet regularly and this is my current struggle. But I know, just as God called Paul to chains for the advancement of the Gospel, He has called each of us home after our summer trip in order to serve his people of Emporia and of Kansas City, in order to share His Good News. I am asking Him for a peace about this.

The Beginning of a Call

2009-08-06T01:06:00.004-05:00

As the end of college approached there were many options waiting for me just beyond the horizon. The prevailing choice seemed to be getting a higher education - and not necessarily for the money - but because of my passions. I was looking toward beginning a Master's program at a seminary immediately after graduating with my Sociology degree from ESU. While praying about this option and talking it through with Jason and Lisa (the Director of Christian Challenge and his wife), it seemed that God had a different plan for me. Jason and Lisa asked me to consider serving in an Associate role on staff with Christian Challenge, a campus ministry at ESU where I have been involved for the past four years and on staff as an intern this past year. I had been previously praying about this as an option for me - and continued after this conversation. The choice was quite obvious once I started thinking seriously about it and was confirmed by the Lord in a variety of ways!

Once this decision was final, "I will serve on staff with Christian Challenge instead of heading off to seminary right away," I was talking through it with Jason one day and continued praying through some of the details of this decision. As I spoke with my Father, it became clear that He wanted me to commit to a two year period here at ESU. I felt He wanted me to really invest in this ministry and His work here, and not just "temporarily work." I feel this commitment will be more effective for the students I am investing my time and energy in, as well as to the ministry as a whole. I truly and confidently believe that God has CALLED me to Emporia for the school years of 2009-2010 and 2010-2011.

My primary role as an Associate will be meeting with the women of Challenge one-on-one for the purpose of discipleship - which is something that really impacted my commitment to Christ throughout college. I will also have a role in helping to build community within Challenge, and outreach to non-believers at Emporia State and within the community of Emporia. In addition, I will assist with administrative details and event/mission trip planning.

I feel like in the past (at least the four years I have been here) Christian Challenge at Emporia State has struggled in the area of "outreach". I would define outreach as: telling people about the truth of Christ that is presented in the Bible, inviting them to join in God's plan for their life in having a personal relationship with Jesus, and then walking alongside them to assist in figuring out what that will look like in each individual's life. Because of my foundation in faith in Christ and the gift He has given me to relate well with others - I feel an urgency to share truth!

There are about two weeks until the fall semester will begin - I am currently in need of a rest before jumping on board with planning and investing in activities and students. This summer I led a team of students overseas to share our faith with some non-believers in need of truth and I learned a lot. I have not spent enough time, yet, thinking and praying through what all I have learned. This week I plan to rest, journal, read and be renewed in the Lord. If I do not first fill myself with Him and His truth, I will not be able to continue ministering to others that need His truth as well.
Please PRAY that I will spend sufficient time with Him and that I will be open to any lessons or challenges He talks to me about.

Stay tuned for updates on ministry, my life in ministry and prayer needs that will arise.
For questions you might have, or more information about my ministry please contact me at jesslemken@gmail.com.