fatigued

Sometimes I get annoyed with God and how awesome He is at growing me. I just get tired...exhausted would be more appropriate.
But I am still thankful.
And I know it is "good" for me. Not "good" in a sarcastic sense like, 'it will eventually make me happy,' but "good" in a literal sense like, 'it might be hard but I am ultimately happy RIGHT NOW.'
I love how incredibly important relationships are in life. Without them I sort of fall apart.
It is also amazing to me how incredibly hard relationships can be. But the hard is worth the work. It makes sense that you need to work at things that are so important.



A friend of mine was talking about his "burden" to create music - and his need to experience highs and lows in life in order to write a song that will bring truth and peace to a person - to set them free. In reading about this I thought, what is my burden? How would I define my God-given "burden" in life? So, I am thinking on it - and will get back to you shortly after I attempt to define it :)

EDIT: My Burden:

People are my burden. I desire to know each person deeply. As impossible as that is, I strive for it and even excel at it (at times). It creates meaningful relationships. It creates times of being stretched too thin. Relationships take time and effort, and as much as I love giving both of those things – I only have so much. So for me, the down side is that I get close to too many and don’t have enough time/energy to effectively manage all of these relationships. The upside, my relationships are not dull or surface level. I get to experience the trueness of who people are. I get to know hearts and lives that God has created so SO beautifully. People are my burden. And for that burden I am so grateful!

Psalm 25

I want to share one of my favorite Psalms with you. Take the time to read it - it will refresh you.

Psalm 25

1To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; 2in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. 3No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. 4Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; 5guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. 6Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. 7Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD. 8Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. 9He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. 10All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant. 11For the sake of your name, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. 12Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. 13He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land. 14The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. 15My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. 16Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 17The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. 18Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. 19See how my enemies have increased and how fiercely they hate me! 20Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. 21May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you. 22Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

this is the day...

mmm. today really fed my soul.

schedule of events:

11am Church
1:30pm Bike ride to Starbucks (to time myself for future days in which I wish to ride to work)
3pm Ultimate Frisbee
5pm Starbucks and Walmart with friends
6:30pm Wii playing and hanging out with Juliet
9pm Laundry and facebook

sounds amazing, huh? well that is because it really was!



I want to tell you about a decision I made today:

Backstory: After traveling across the world on a team and being taught about the importance of and observing a Sabbath (day of rest), I have come to cherish this day. I believe that God instituted it for GOOD reason. Therefore, I submit to it, and it refreshes me.

Real story: I have had a hard time with Sundays these past few weeks. I was wanting only to sleep and not to go to Church. This is a weird feeling, since I love church, love being with people, love learning God's word, etc. etc. etc. Then, I figured out what it was.
After going to BearTrap over Christmas break I realized how incredibly much I missed hanging out with and investing in international students. My response to that was a quick volunteering to invest in the International Sunday School time that we have at my church. I was SO excited to join and get to know people!
Unfortunately, as I began struggling to go to Church I realized - joining the Sunday School class was still "work" for me. It sounds weird and horrible at the same time, considering that I love it. BUT, I felt obligated (personally) to invest in students throughout the week, not just on Sundays, and I really don't have time for that. I also just needed more sleep on Sunday mornings. SO, I decided. I will not lead a small group in the International Sunday School time - instead, I will go to the late Church service. (I do not, however, plan to neglect International Students completely of course. :)

Result: I did that today and it was perfect. I loved seeing my friends in service and engaging with the whole time. Afterward, I went by International Sunday School and talked with my former co-leader about my decision. It was the first time that I had cried about it - but it was good.








(i actually made these pictures :))

You may ask yourself, or me, "Jessica, what do you think the perfect bike riding music would be on a day like today?"

Answer: Hanson on the way to your destination and the Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack on the way home, of course.